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Guys, we really need to talk…
I’m definitely not the first person to bring this up and I’m certain that I won’t be the last, but we all need reminding: men have traditionally been taught not to share their emotions and it can have disastrous consequences.
When Work Is More Than Work
For many men of my generation, work has never just been about earning a living. It’s been about identity, structure, status — and often the place where we felt most useful.
So, when work ends — through retirement or redundancy — the impact can run much deeper than we expect. It can be a massive knock to our pride and sense of self-worth.
It continues to surprise me, during the coaching sessions that I run with men in their 50s and 60s, how rarely these feelings are shared, especially with their partners. I think this is often due to our sense of pride. No longer the primary bread winner, we become ashamed.
The Hidden Cost of Not Talking
The data is stark. In the UK, three-quarters of suicides are by men, and men aged around 45–54 have some of the highest suicide rates of any age group according to the Office for National Statistics and Samaritans.
Many men in their 50s and 60s were never taught how to talk about how they feel. I remember my mother (with the best of intentions, I’m sure!) said exactly this to me when I was heading off to boarding school at the age of 13. My experience was that British boarding schools in the 1970s certainly weren’t the place where it was OK to share your feelings. University then brought its fair share of insecurities, and so work ultimately became a place where, perhaps like many, I could be more confident.
When that suddenly disappears in your 50s or 60s, many men are left without a language for what’s going on inside, or the skills to express all this. I have seen through my coaching that, when men do start to talk, something shifts. They realise their feelings are normal, not personal failures. They reconnect with parts of themselves that were put on hold. And they begin to see that this stage of life isn’t an ending, but a transition — from proving and achieving to contributing and meaning-making.
Learning to Talk — Later in Life
If you’re a man in your 50s or 60s who has recently stepped away from work, consider this a nudge: say something out loud. Especially to someone who isn’t invested in you “being fine”.
And if you feel that some personal coaching might help you start talking about what’s important, please get in touch with me at Stay Curious Coaching.
